When your boyfriend is going through a tough time, he might start to push you away. Most probably you feel confused and hurt. You want to be there for him, but he seems to be shutting you out.
Let’s explain why this happens and what you can do about it.
Why He Might Be Pushing You Away
There are several reasons why your boyfriend might push you away during difficult times:
He’s Overwhelmed
When life gets hard, some people retreat into themselves. Your boyfriend may feel like he can’t handle his problems and your relationship at the same time.
For example, you might notice your boyfriend becoming distant after losing his job. He stops texting you as much and keeps canceling your plans. He feels ashamed about being unemployed and doesn’t want you to see him struggling. You try to reach out, but he keeps making excuses not to see you.
Doesn’t Want to Burden You
Your boyfriend might think he’s protecting you by not sharing his troubles. He may worry that his problems will bring you down, too. You might ask him what’s wrong, and he says, “It’s nothing; I don’t want to bother you with my stuff.” He thinks he’s being considerate, but you feel shut out and worried.
Afraid of Being Vulnerable
Opening up about struggles can feel tough. Your boyfriend may push you away to avoid showing his weaknesses. Maybe his parents recently divorced, and he started pulling away from you. He’s hurting but doesn’t want you to see him cry or get emotional. He thinks being vulnerable will make him seem weak, so he puts up walls instead.
He’s Dealing with Depression
Depression often causes people to isolate themselves. If your boyfriend is depressed, he may push everyone away – including you. You might notice he suddenly becomes very withdrawn. He stops going out with friends and barely talks to you. He’s battling depression but hasn’t told anyone yet, including you.
He Needs Space to Process
Some people need alone time to work through their feelings. Your boyfriend may need space to sort things out in his head. For instance, if a close family member dies, he might tell you he needs some time alone. He’s not trying to hurt you – he just needs space to grieve privately before opening up to others.
How It Might Look When He Pushes You Away
Your boyfriend’s behavior may change in several ways when he’s pushing you away:
Less Communication
You might notice he’s not texting or calling as much. When you do talk, his responses may be short or distracted. You used to text throughout the day, but now you’re lucky to get a one-word reply from him once a day. When you call, he often doesn’t pick up or calls back much later.
Canceling Plans
He may start canceling dates or avoiding making plans with you. You usually have a standing Friday night date, but he’s canceled the last three weeks in a row. He keeps saying he’s “too busy” or “not feeling well.” When you try to make new plans, he’s vague and noncommittal.
Emotional Distance
Even when you’re together, he may seem emotionally far away or closed off. You notice he’s not as affectionate lately. He barely hugs you hello and seems distracted when you talk. When you try to have a deep conversation, he gives short answers and changes the subject.
Irritability
He might get annoyed more easily or snap at you over small things. Your normally easy-going boyfriend starts getting frustrated with you over little things like leaving dishes in the sink. He seems on edge all the time, and you feel like you’re walking on eggshells around him.
Avoiding Deep Conversations
If you try to talk about your relationship or his feelings, he may change the subject or shut down. Whenever you ask how he’s doing, he says, “Fine,” and quickly starts talking about something else. If you push for more, he might get defensive or leave the room.
How You Feel When He Pushes You Away
When your boyfriend pushes you away, it can bring up a lot of difficult feelings:
Confusion
You may feel bewildered by the sudden change in his behavior. You can’t understand why he’s acting so differently. Everything had been great between you, and now he’s so distant. You keep replaying recent events in your mind, trying to figure out what went wrong.
Hurt
It’s painful to feel like your boyfriend is shutting you out. His withdrawal leaves you feeling deeply hurt. You thought you were close enough to share everything. Now, it feels like he’s building a wall between you, and each brick feels like a personal rejection.
Rejection
You might feel like he’s rejecting you personally. When he keeps pushing you away, you feel rejected. You worry you’ve done something wrong to make him act like this. Your self-esteem takes a hit, and you start questioning your worth in the relationship.
Frustration
It can be frustrating to want to help but feel powerless. You feel frustrated that you can’t seem to reach him or get him to open up about what’s bothering him. You want to fix things, but you don’t know how when he won’t let you in.
Worry
You may be concerned about what’s really going on with him. You worry constantly about what he’s going through and why he won’t let you in. Also, your mind might jump to worst-case scenarios, adding to your stress and anxiety.
What to Do When He Pushes You Away
While it’s a tough situation, there are ways to handle it:
Give Him Some Space
Sometimes, the best thing to do is step back and give him room to breathe. For example, you can stop texting him so much. Tell him you’re there if he needs you, but you’ll give him space for now. Doing this can be hard, but it demonstrates respect for his needs and may make him more likely to open up later.
Let Him Know You Care
Make sure he knows you’re there for him, even if he’s not ready to open up yet. You might send him a simple text: “I know you’re going through a hard time. I’m here when you’re ready to talk.” Such a message can remind him of your support without putting pressure on him.
Focus on Yourself
Use this time to take care of yourself and pursue your own interests. While he’s being distant, you decide to focus on your own hobbies. Take a painting class and spend more time with your friends, which will help you feel more balanced and less dependent on his mood.
Set Boundaries
It’s okay to let him know if his behavior is hurting you. You might say, “I understand you’re stressed, but please don’t take it out on me. If you need space, just say so.” Saying this means that you respect his feelings but also expect respect in return.
Offer Practical Support
Sometimes, it’s easier for guys to accept help with tasks rather than emotions. Offer to help him with some errands, knowing he’s overwhelmed at work, which will give you time together without pressure to talk about feelings.
Be Patient
Remember that this phase will likely pass. Try to be patient as he works through his issues. Remind yourself that his withdrawal won’t last forever and focus on being supportive without pushing him too hard, trusting that things will improve with time.
When to Be Concerned
While some distance is normal during tough times, be aware of red flags:
Prolonged Withdrawal
If he’s been pushing you away for months with no improvement, it may be time to reevaluate. After three months of his distant behavior, you realize this isn’t just a phase. Maybe it’s time for a serious talk about your relationship and where it’s heading.
Verbal or Physical Abuse
Pushing you away should never involve cruel words or physical aggression. If his irritability turns into yelling and name-calling, you know this has crossed a line. You need to tell him his behavior is unacceptable and consider whether the relationship is still healthy for you.
Refusal to Communicate
If he completely shuts down all communication, that’s a problem. If he refuses to respond to any of your messages for weeks, you realize you can’t be in a relationship with someone who won’t communicate at all. You might need to consider if the relationship can continue.
Infidelity
Pushing you away is not an excuse for cheating. If you discover his withdrawal is because he’s seeing someone else, you know this betrayal is a dealbreaker, regardless of his personal struggles. You have to decide if you can trust him again or if it’s time to move on.
Take Care of Yourself
When your boyfriend is pushing you away, it’s extremely important to take care of yourself:
Lean on Your Support System
Turn to friends and family for emotional support. Start having weekly dinners with your best friend to talk through your feelings about your boyfriend’s behavior, it will help you feel less alone and give you a different perspective on the situation.
Practice Self-Care
Make time for activities that make you feel good. Your boyfriend’s moodiness is stressing you out, so you start doing yoga every morning to center yourself. You also need to make sure to eat well, get enough sleep, and do things you enjoy, like reading or taking long baths.
Set Emotional Boundaries
Protect your own mental health by not taking on all his problems. Remind yourself that you can’t fix his issues for him. Offer support, but don’t let his mood dictate your own happiness. Work on maintaining your own emotional balance.
Seek Professional Help
Consider talking to a therapist if you’re really struggling. Start seeing a counselor to work through your feelings about your boyfriend’s withdrawal, as it will give you a safe space to express your emotions and learn coping strategies.
Move Forward Together
If your boyfriend is willing to work on things, here’s how to move forward:
Improve Communication
Work on being open and honest with each other. You and your boyfriend should set aside time each week to check in about your feelings and needs. Practice active listening and try to understand each other’s perspectives without judgment.
Seek Professional Help Together
Couples counseling can provide tools for dealing with tough times. Start seeing a couples therapist to learn better ways to support each other during stressful periods. Such neutral third party will help you both express yourselves more effectively.
Build Trust
Rebuilding trust takes time and effort from both partners. Your boyfriend should promise to be more open with you about his struggles. You, on the other hand, should work on being patient as he learns to be more vulnerable. Both of you need to make an effort to follow through on your commitments to each other.
Create a Support Plan
Discuss how to handle future rough patches. You and your boyfriend should come up with a plan for how he can let you know when he needs space without completely shutting you out. Agree on certain check-in times and ways to show you care even during difficult periods.
As you know, every relationship goes through ups and downs. If your boyfriend is pushing you away, try to approach the situation with patience and understanding. At the same time, make sure to take care of your own emotional needs.
With open communication and mutual effort, you and your boyfriend can work through these challenging times and come out stronger on the other side.
